So I will bypass my normal report on race day to examine my head. Someone whom I consider a friend said something to me during the Akron Marathon that had me checking myself. It was a pretty harmless comment to me asking me to try not to make comments about others while we were running. I questioned it at first and the reply indicated that it seems to have become a habit of mine. I think this may go back to some comments made during another race when we were running together. Outwardly when other runners of far superior skills were flying through the course I started making small sarcastic comments suggesting that they had to have given up something to get that fast. Otherwise could life truly be fair? No one should be good at everything they do right?
It actually hurt a little though the more I thought about it. I actually thing that from there on out I was a lot less talkative then my normal self. I kept thinking about what type of a person I strive to be. Do I want to be the supportive person that I think I am always wishing the best to others or do I want to be seen as a biter person who is always trying to belittle others. Apparently, unknowingly to me, I had become the later during races. What is it about competition that causes everything within me to change? I know that I am a strong type A personality and I can be very competitive in life. I have a gift for not only gab but also sarcasm. Maybe there are more reasons then I knew for me to no longer continue to chase after someone elses expectations of me. I love spending time with friends on runs and I try to be a nice person. Saturday wasn't the only time that I have received negative feedback with regards to some of my comments and the day ended with a nice gesture from another runner who had addressed the same issue with me (okay so now everyone should be confused except for possibly two people reading this so I will abort).
If the feeling I get from not feeling competitive during these races causes me to be a person that I don't like then it is time to check myself. I need to apologize to those that may have been on the negative end of my sometimes incoherent babble during these times and do what I like. I hope to demonstrate this through actions in the future though and not words here in this blog..... and to the friends who were kind enough to bring this fault to my attention so that it can be addressed I sincerely thank you.
Hmmm now I think it's time to sign up for the tow path half marathon... to run with a group of people raising money for Downs Syndrome... anyone interested in supporting my effort let me know.
3 weeks ago